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For those of you that know me well, you know that writing is not something that comes easily. I truly believe that this song was God’s gift to me to help me remember the promises He has for me in Christ.
This song was born out of a season where I became helplessly desperate for the nearness and guidance of my heavenly Father on a day by day, minute by minute basis. As Jonathan would tell you… I’ve always been a bit of an “energizer bunny.” I always seem to have some secret reserve of spunk stashed somewhere and it takes a lot to get me down. But this summer I was shocked and even a little bit scared to find myself stuck in a tailspin of anxiety and what I would definitely describe as depression. Morning-time has always been my favorite part of the day… but during this season, from the moment I woke up, the main thing I felt was an overwhelming fear of failure and feeling powerless to fight it.
I remember being so shocked a the state I found myself in. How did I get here?? In retrospect I can’t say exactly when it all started but I can definitely tell you it was the product of many many years of letting myself go into auto-pilot, and in and of myself, my auto-pilot means trusting in MY strength, MY attitude, and MY wisdom to help me accomplish all that I think is expected of me…whether that’s me, the people around me, or the imaginary, disapproving people in my head.
I’ve got one word for that…EXHAUSTING! and I finally hit my breaking point.
I read recently that “you start to look like what you hope in”… yeah, well that is definitely what happened, I was looking more and more like weak old me and eventually I cracked.
I knew that I had no more secret reserves of “can-do-ness” and I needed God to fill my mind, heart, and body with HIS power HIS agenda HIS presence and HIS promises.
So I spent a few weeks searching the scriptures for promises to hold onto… truth about my God and my identity as His child to hold onto throughout my day.
Teach me Your way Oh Lord and I will walk in Your truth. Unite my heart to fear Your name.Psalm 86:11
Acknowledge that Yahweh is God. He made us, and we are His.Psalm 100:3
Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for I trust in You. Teach me the way in which I should walk, for to You I lift up my soulPsalm 143:8
In 2 Thessalonians the apostle Paul prays
may God fulfill EVERY desire for goodness and the work of faith with power… in order that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you and you in Him, according to the grace of our God2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
That is God’s will and promise for me as a believer! That God might fulfill EVERY good work in me! But it is only possible when I am fully dependent upon Him and obedient to His will for me. That’s where Grace comes in…
God’s grace makes God-dependant obedience possible for this weak human. In the words of John Piper,
Grace expressed is God’s power to usJohn Piper
And the the POWER of this grace is made active in me when I BELIEVE that God’s promises to me are TRUE and when I TRUST Him to be everything I need moment by moment! That’s when all my good intentions become “deeds of FAITH”!
Now that’s a lot of stuff to remember… so let me tell you what God’s helped me to hold onto for the past few months.
There are a lot of voices in this world, including the 200 billion voices in my head…but I can decide which one to listen to. Though Satan might try to confuse me, God’s WORD tells me what is true and gives me the grace moment by moment, if I will just ask, to believe Him.
I’ve been starting my days repeating verses to myself like Psalm 100:3
know that the Lord Himself if God. It is He who has made us and not we ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture…Psalm 100:3
Remember this Emily, God made you. You did not make yourself!
God is the shepherd, and I am the sheep that He has promised to take care of and never leave or forsake… no matter what!
And at the end of the day… when it’s time to stop all my work… whether or not I feel like I conquered my to-do list in record time… I remember this:
That God is SATISFIED with me because I am IN Christ! Because Christ has done everything in eternity that need be done to secure my salvation, I can rest!
Look within and be depressed Look around and be distressed Look at Him and be at restCorrie Ten Boom
So my prayer for myself and for you is this:
may the God of peace… equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in (you) that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever! Amen!Hebrews 13:21
Other posts about the songs on the Not Our Home EP