I’m still singing!
I have felt so loved that many of you have been checking on my vocal health this summer. If you don't know, I have a history of vocal damage. Past damage and KY grass allergies have made my summers extra challenging the last few years.
But I'm thankful to let you know that I'm still singing!! 🙌🏼
These last few summers at camp have been so wonderful, but they have also been a long, mysterious struggle with my voice as I've been constantly losing my voice even though I know I'm doing all the things to stay healthy.
I finally learned this year that I'm incredibly allergic to the grass pollen here in Campbellsville, KY. The grass I'm allergic to covers the college campus where we live in the summer. And it gets mowed twice a week. 😬
It's bad. I get laryngitis within 48 hours of being here. I kid you not.
I've never experienced anything like it. I've struggled physically but also emotionally. I go to bed each night not knowing what voice I will have the next morning.
I've battled waves of anxiety wondering when my vocal strength might run out completely.
Singing and leading worship with half my range makes me feel clumsy and self-conscious.
Most probably can't tell, but Jonathan can testify that it's hard for me to keep my countenance from noticeably falling as I muscle through each day.
But my sweetest times of personal worship often come when I'm at my weakest.
I suppose it's not that surprising.
In 2 Corinthians 12:10, The Lord tells us that we're strongest in our weaknesses. But what I know and feel are two different things when facing the thorn of my physical limits.
The greatest remedy I've found for my anxious heart and sunken countenance in these times has come from the pages of the Psalms, where the Lord has helped me put the prayers of David into my mouth.
Prayers that cry out to Him acknowledging my pains, worries, joys, and fears, but most of all, help me remember who God is and all He has done for me in Christ.
Psalms 42 and 43 have been a mainstay for me in trying seasons. So I'm passing it along to you, hoping this prayer finds you at the right time today.
“Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.”
I'm betting you have a weakness, an insecurity, a handicap, or a sin struggle that tempts you to sink in thoughts of self-concern, shame, worry, or hopelessness.
Friend, if this is where you are, please know you are not alone. God has given you His Word and presence to rest in and fight the hopelessness we all face.
The Hebrew translation for "my salvation" in Psalm 42/43 is "the help of my countenance."
God will be the lifter of your countenance as you look to Him, cry out to Him, remember His faithfulness, and experience His goodness moment by moment.
In a season of depression, Jonathan and I came across an incredible book called Spiritual Depression by Martyn Lloyd Jones. Here is one of my favorite quotes:
“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problem of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself, ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been repressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.”
I'm thankful that the Lord used our weaknesses to help us trust His strength. But I'm also grateful to be making it vocally through this summer more easily than in years past!
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.
